the world is lazy

I think it may have mostly been a dream. A really, really lucid dream.

Here comes the honesty. I’ve spent years without having a significant other. And for those years that I had been hoping to find one I would constantly have these thoughts, they would begin like this: “If I can change/fix (insert random quality of self) then I could probably…” It’s a horrible thing to admit. But after so long I just started to assume that there must have been something strange or wrong with me (I was leaning towards strange). To be frank, I think I’m rather likable, so it really wasn’t much of a self-image thing. Then there was the possibility that I just appeared so comfortable. Because not only have I never dated, but I’m not terribly family oriented and I have no siblings. I’m very content with the disconnect. This fact scares me now though, because I can survive on little communication and affection. I think differently in that regard, I just presume the person busy and don’t mind the lack, which could be viewed as a lack of care on my part as well.

Then we have another factor. Distance. 209 miles of distance. Not so far. I drive more than that in a weekend. However, with two different, conflicting work and school schedules there is a lot of room for flaws. This leads to most/all conversations being phone related. I am not a fan of the phone. I like to be able to see facial reactions. But this is my fault. I wanted to try. I really wanted to try. I just start to wonder how many boring phone conversations he can handle.

Enough of that, school starts tomorrow. Only six credit hours. Class Monday – Thursday night all while still working Wednesday – Sunday. All the free time I’ve taken so for granted will be completely gone as of tomorrow. Maybe I’ll have more interesting things to talk about though, or not considering all of my free time will be spent doing homework at a coffee shop and working at a coffee shop. Hmm…I don’t think it’s possible for me to become any less interesting though.

I’m changing up my eating habits…I feel ill every time I eat and I’m curious if it has something to do with the things that I ingest. I already very rarely eat red meat, chicken and I are on and off again and I don’t drink milk. So, chicken is getting cut off altogether, dairy is going away mostly (and only because completely dairy-free bread is five freaking dollars). I guess it’s almost like being vegan…the making fun of has already begun. I could still eat eggs, I suppose but they actually make me sick as well. Cereal is the only thing that doesn’t. I just don’t think I could survive forever on it, though the thought is rather tasty. This is perhaps the most complicated thing in my life right now, so things are going well. By this time next week I expect to be sobbing into my fundamentals of mathematics workbook. I should have taken a creative writing class. Boo.

I feel as though I really had a legitimate reason for deciding to blog, I forgot it and just ended up with this.

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